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Osama's Death
Rating:x
One day in the future, Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Osama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room; in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed -- over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," bin Laden said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room; in it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Osama bin Laden. The devil opened a third door. In it, Osama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose.Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Osama bin Laden looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and aid, "OK, Monica, you're free to go."
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The Threesome
Rating:xx
A threesome comprised of an American, a German and a Japanese guy are golfing , they hear a phone ring. The American excuses himself, puts his left thumb to his ear, his left pinky finger to his mouth, and proceeds to have a telephone conversation.
When he is done, he looks at the other two and says, "Oh, this is the latest American technology in cellular phones. I have a chip in my thumb and one in my pinky and the antenna is in my hat. Great stuff eh?"
They continue golfing , again, they hear a phone ring. The German tilts his head to one side and proceeds to have a conversation with someone in German. When he finishes, he explains to the other two that he has the latest in German technology cell phones. "A chip in my tooth, a chip in my ear and the antenna is inserted in my spine. Ah, the wonders of German superior know-how!"
As they continue, a phone rings again and upon hearing it, the Japanese fellow disappears into some nearby bushes. The German and the American look at each- other and then walk over and peer into the bushes. In the middle of the bushes is the Japanese fellow, squatting with his pants down around his ankles, with a roll of toilet paper shoved up his ass. "What on earth are you doing?" asks the American. The Japanese fellow looks up and replies, "Waiting for a fax." |
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